Reexamining DA2: FedEx-ing Dead Bodies

Dragon Age 2 has an interesting way of dealing with FedEx quests, and that is not really a bad thing.  These quests, after all,  are the bane of a cRPGer's existence.  Random NPC says "go deliver this", PC delivers item, PC returns to random NPC, and random NPC pays PC money.  What Bioware basically did in Dragon Age 2, was shorten this process by cutting out the first half of the quest line (namely the initial receiving and departing bits).  Doing this eliminated a great deal of unnecessary player backtracking.  In lieu of receiving a "deliver this" conversation from a random NPC, the PC merely finds something during their normal activities, and then delivers that item to its NPC owner in exchange for money. 

This way of dealing with side quests has a lot going for it.  First of all, it allows the game to still include all of those mini transactions that gamers are used to having. You know, the ones that help the PC turn a small profit outside of the main quest and massive, multi-part side quests. Secondly, as I mentioned before, it eliminates a great deal of unnecessary backtracking. Traditionally, FedEx quests send you halfway across the game map twice - once to retrieve/deliver an item and then once to receive payment.  In Dragon Age 2, you only have to march across the map once to receive payment for the item since it is found during your regular travels.

DA2's system isn't perfect though. Initial quest giver are non-existent, so the game requires players to open their Journal if they want to know what it is they have collected and how it is tied to the world around it.  This means that any obvious connection between these quests is from the game itself is buried. With little incentive to read the entries for these deliveries, opening the Journal for a sentence of text was just an extra step that most players likely avoid.  In fact, in previous DA2 playthrough attempts, that was exactly what I did. To be fair, FedEx quests, no matter what game they are in, generally have a throwaway air about them anyways.  Here that "air" is multiplied though, thanks to quest marked NPCs.  It is extremely easy to see a marked item, pick it up, and then stumble through the game until you see the NPC it belongs to (also with a marker above their heads).  The transaction completed, money is exchanged, and the PC washes their hands of the entire quest.  In the end, their actions are completely divorced from any significance the side quest may have had to the item's recipient or even Kirkwall as a whole.

With my determination to give DA2 a fair look still going strong, I decided a while back that actually reading side quest journal entries was an integral part of the experience.  For the most part I've found that quest goals are about as generic as one would expect. Amongst all the family items and lost possessions though there have been  at least two instances so far where Cerian has needed to give someone bodily remains.  Once it was the bones of a Chantry missionary and the other time it was the corpse of a Dalish highwayman (pictured at top).  The concept of giving bodily remains to someone makes enough sense to me for it to fly.  The missionary's bone were venerable relics the Chantry desired, and the corpse was being returned to its people (supposedly for burial). While the nature of these quests was rather solemn though, Hawke's stock dialogue rendered their delivery unintentionally hilarious.  As with every other quest (like lost family items), Hawke hands the bodies to their recipients and says some variation of of the phrase "I believe you lost this somewhere?"  I, as the player, can't help but laugh and reply, "No ... no I really didn't."  The absurdity of this whole situation is simply fantastic. Think about it. Hawke has been traveling from here to kingdom come, engaging in street battles, and romantically flirting ... with a rotting corpse thrown over her shoulder or hanging out of her pack.  Then, after locating the people who will value the remains, Cerian feels the best way to broach the subject of the corpse in her possession is with a, "dude, I think you lost this."

I kind of love it.

ME2 - Amusing Oddities 1

It has been a while since I did one of these, since there really was not a great deal odd about Mass Effect despite the prolific nature of convenient boxes for cover-based shooting.  Now that I am more familiar with Shepard's world though, there are a number of Amusing Oddities that have already reared their collective head in Mass Effect 2.  Below are a number of things in the game that were rather befuddling or simply made me laugh.

Eternal Makeup

You have to admire Miranda's attention to detail.  The Illusive Man told her to make sure Shepard emerged from the Lazarus Project the same as she was before death.  He wanted her personality to be intact, he memories intact, and her appearance intact.  Apparently he also wanted her makeup to be intact.  In Meriel's case this is actually rather appropriate, since she wore red lipstick for a very specific reason.  It is unlikely that Miranda could have known that though.  I wonder how many times the resurrected Shepard's lipstick was repeatedly, freshly applied during the two years she spent on the laboratory table.  Was it Miranda's job to apply the lipstick, or did she simply tattoo it (in a realistic manner) on Meriel's face?  I suppose the world will never know.

Click to Enlarge

Missing Scar

While we are on the subject, what happened to Shepard's scar? In Mass Effect, Meriel had a facial scar which began above her right eyebrow and crossed diagonally across her face, ending halfway down her left cheek.  Like the red lipstick, Meriel had proudly wore this scar (choosing not to have it medically removed) for a very specific reason.  As such, I was very sad to see it missing post-Lazarus Project.  Granted, Meriel now has those glowing facial scars working in her favor, but they are not quite the same.  The scar from ME1 was a testament to her past with the Tenth Street Reds.  During her time in the slums, had been in a vicious knife fight (in a world ruled by biotics and guns), and managed to emerge the proud victor.  By retaining the scar, Meriel was warning everyone she met that she was not someone you should mess with.  Again, it is possible that Miranda did not know this, but the Illusive Man knows so much about Meriel that you think he would have known this as well.  Why would he have taken such pains to have her brought back "as is" (right down to her makeup) and yet not have Miranda replicate facial scarring?

Bathrooms!

I would like to take this moment to rejoice.  The new Normandy not only has one bathroom, but it has three! There is a common men's room, a common women's room, and a private bathroom in Shepard's quarters (seen above).  If femShep walks into the men's room, she even hears an audio message telling her where to find the women's shared bathroom.  Brilliant.  These restrooms not only have showers and sinks, but you can even flush the toilets! This seriously makes me all kinds of happy.  It does beg the question though, of where crew on the first Normandy used the restroom.  Did they simply hold it in between planetary missions? Come to think of it ... I do not believe there were any bathrooms on the planets they visited either.  It is nice to see that the galaxy wised up during the two years that Meriel lay dead/unconscious on a table.

DA:O - Amusing Oddities 3

Now that the weekend is here I shall be venturing into the Dead Trenches very soon. In the meantime I present you with another edition of Amusing Oddities. Every once in a while I run across things in the game that are slightly befuddling or make me laugh. Below are a few from Orzammar. 

 This post involves very mild spoilerage about the Circle Tower.

Shale I Choose You! - Sure this is neither amusing nor an oddity, but I thought that you might be interested in seeing what Perra's entire party looks like. Thus, I present you with the current party selection screen. For those of you who have played the game before, you will notice that Wynne is not present. Earlier in the game Perra was one hard-hearted Hannah. She provoked Wynne at the Circle Tower and was eventually forced to kill her. That's right, our hero killed an old lady. At this stage in the game I highly doubt that Perra would do such a thing, but at the time she was fresh off her skull-crushing days with the Carta. When you combine her early violent tendencies with the Templars' insistence that the Tower must be cleansed ... well one can see how Perra made the decision she did. Having completed Dragon Age twice before, I must admit that playing without Wynne feels a little odd. She is such a pleasant "old sage" character who really seems to take the roll of Camp Mother seriously. I also appreciate Wynne's hunger for knowledge. If Dragon Age took place in the Wheel of Time, and Wynne was an Aes Sedai, I'm 99.9% sure that Wynne would have been in the Brown Ajah if it weren't for the fact that Wynne is a healer (and thus of the Yellow Ajah). I love the Brown Ajah. Okay, now I'm sad. This screen grab is for you Wynne. RIP.

Bathrooms - For years I wandered from video game to video game blissfully unaware that they all contained one major flaw. Then, a number of years back while digging through Planet Elder Scrolls, I ran across Morrowind house mods by the venerable Princess Stomper. Perhaps one of the most skilled Elder Scrolls modders around, Princess possesses one famous pet peeve. She is bothered by the fact that video game homes do not have bathrooms. As a direct result of this, everything she mods features a bathroom or washroom of some sort. Years of playing her mods have stripped me of my ignorance, and her pet peeve has since become mine. Imagine then my glee when I realized that Orzammar homes have washrooms! I do not know if Bioware has been listening where Bethesda has not, but either way it is clear that civilization has finally reached the dwarven halls. It's rather funny when you think about it, because Oghrin is the only in-game companion to resist bathing and cleanliness. Granted, he's also an unrepentant drunk ... a dwarf so deep in his cups that even other dwarves shun him for his habits. Maybe his lack of hygiene, like his drinking, do not speak for the whole of his race.

Appreciated Trespassing - Well before Perra met with Bhelen for the first time, she and her gang roamed freely through the Royal Palace. The ability for strangers off the street to meander unsanctioned though royal property is peculiar enough. Consider then the case of a thieving expedition, which had tunneled through the palace's floor, that was thwarted by our heroes. Not only did the palace guard arrive late to the fight (read: all the thieves were already dead), but afterwards he let Perra and Friends continue their wanderings unchallenged. There was no "What are you doing here Brand" or "You don't belong here Brand." Nope, instead the guard thanked Perra for her help and let her party continue on it's merry way. That is some tight security Bhelen has going on there.

Vengeful Spirits - Remember my issues with the sarcophagi in the Elven Ruins? Well I for one was glad to see that Bioware did not repeat the same mistake in the Deep Roads. Instead, Perra & Friends ran into at least three waves of restless spirits guarding their crumbling thaigs. For historical accuracy, some of them even commanded stone golems in battle. The spirits came in multiple classes - Forgotten (former casteless), Indignant (former rogue bards), and Enraged (former 2H greatsword warriors). Perra has yet to meet the fourth class of Legion Spirits (former Legion of the Dead). You know I've always wondered how Perra can fight spirits of the dead with weapons. Why doesn't her ax sweep harmlessly through them? Aren't spirits non-corporeal by nature? Yet, like their flesh and blood comrades, these spirits bleed when struck. Unlike their living counterparts though, they disappear into thin air when defeated. You know what? I'm not going to think on it too hard. I simply appreciate the fact that the undead haunt these abandoned halls.

I openly admit that the Deep Roads have an excellent story arc, but sometimes this leg of the game feels like it goes on forever. It probably feels like that, because it does. That said, Bioware really did right by the dwarves. From bathrooms to avenging spirits, they left no ancestor blessed stone unturned.

DA:O - Amusing Oddities 2

Later this week I'll have an update from Orzammar (Not all of Orzammar because it is one very long main quest) but today I present a mid-week edition of Amusing Oddities. Every once in a while I run across things in the game that are slightly befuddling or make me laugh. Below are a few from the Brecilian Forest's Elven Ruins.

Piles of Filth -These things are not restricted to the Elven Ruins, since just about everywhere Perra goes she discovers "piles of filth" or piles of other things that hide loot-able objects. I understand that these things are likely supposed to be piles of hay, straw, and maybe burlap (the large brown spaces) but why are the piles so regular looking? For something that supposedly piled up over time or was simply dumped somewhere you would think that it would be more irregularly fashioned. Instead it looks like the pile was shaped with care and then lovingly flattened to form a cushion shaped object. Even more confusing in nature is the origin of said hay/straw/burlap? The only time that the location of these piles made sense was when Perra saw them in Castle Redcliffe's basement. That whole area had been strewn with hay, so random piles made sense. Here, however, in the middle of an ancient elven ruin, a couple piles of filth are the only instances where one sees hay.

Moreover, the mere name pile of filth indicates that it is a trash heap of sorts where one dumps refuse. First of all, I'm not entirely certain that the werewolves are quite that sophisticated, but then again they did have piles of sacks and numerous crates laying about. I could be wrong in that assumption. Second of all, if the pile of filth is indeed a trash dump of sorts then why is it only represented by that? Why doesn't it also show a couple objects peeking out of it? The whole situation is rather perplexing.

Sarcophagi - Let me be clear, I'm not confused by the presence of sarcophagi in Dragon Age. Every self-respecting sword and sorcery RPG should have them. What is perplexing, however, is the lack of ghosts or avenging spirits guarding them. If you consider the sheer abundance of animated dead in this game (shambling skeletons, fanged skeletons, devouring skeletons, revenants, arcane horrors, and numerous fade demons) then why on earth is there no form of avenging dead protecting the sarcophagi? The first time I went to loot a sarcophagus, I saved the game first because I expected to be accosted by some vengeful spirit bent on protecting the skeleton inside and its burial artifacts. (Stealing from the dead! I have no shame.) Do know what happened when Perra opened the burial box? Nothing. That's right, nothing. Apparently in the world of Dragon Age: Origins it is normal for ruins to be scattered with skeletons that animate themselves and attack you. The same world, however, could care less about bodies that were actually buried with care.

I will take a moment to say that there is one sarcophagus guarded by a very very angry spirit, but this particular spirit isn't activated by you disturbing her place of rest. Instead she is already awake, visible from a distance, and her mortal body appears to have been placed in a wooden casket instead of a stone box. The grave was clearly disturbed prior to your arrival as the casket's lid has been knocked off and one can see the skeleton inside.

The Werewolves' Lair - This is not so much perplexing as it is amusing. I accepted the premise of watery portals (pool of water = door to another non-watery place) a very long time ago thanks to C.S. Lewis. Did you ever read that Magician's Nephew? In Nephew, Digory Kirke, Polly Plummer and Uncle Andrew use a series of pools within a magical forest to transport themselves to various places in the yet-to-be-created Narnia. For some reason, that is what this part of Dragon Age reminds me of.

DA:O - Amusing Oddities

Every once in a while I run across items or names in Dragon Age that make me chuckle. Below are a couple of ones that caught my eye during the last week or so.

Find this in the Caverns while searching for Andraste's Ashes

Dragon Egg - This is one of those "say what?" moments. You loot the dragon egg expecting to receive a baby dragon or the egg itself. Instead you discover Lifedrinker and a Small Clear Ice Crystal. What kind of magic is this? Even more to the point, what kind of logic does this make? Open egg, receive jewelry. Did you ever read that French fairy tale The Blue Bird where a princess comes into the possession of four magical eggs? One of her eggs contained a coach pulled by mice and another contained a chariot pulled by birds. That is what this egg makes me think of.

(The Ice Crystal only appears because I have the Stone Prisoner DLC installed. I do not remember what is in its place when Stone Prisoner is not activated ... if there is anything else at all.)

Loot from a chest in the Village of Honnleath (Stone Prisoner DLC)

Olaf's Prized Cheese Knife - This dagger is a source of never ending amusement for me. Not only is it the oddest looking cheese knife you will ever meet, but Olaf apparently loved this "knife" so much that he locked it away in a random chest and let someone else keep the key on their person. Oh yeah ... that villager's dead and Perra had no problems with looting his body.

Purchase this armor from Legnar in the Orzammar Commons

Shadow of the Empire - Purchasing this armor unlocks the Codex Entry "Shadow of the Empire" which reads

The Crows of Antiva may be the most famous and most expensive of Thedas's assassins, but they are not the most active. That dubious honor belongs to the Shadows of the Emperor, the personal cadre of killers employed by the throne of Orlais. This armor was made for use by the Shadows whenever the Grand Game should wander out of hand.

Dragon Age lore aside, however, we all know what this armor's name alludes to. Stuck? I'll give you a hint.

DA:O - Confusing Cold Killers

All I was trying to do was walk through you're friggin' temple!

*This post may contain spoilers ...
depending on what your definition of "spoiler" is.*

Perra et.al. fought their way through the Ruined Temple tonight. As they steadily progressed through waves of blood thirsty cultists a couple of things came to mind. No matter how many times I've played through this dungeon, there are always a few things that make me scratch my head a bit. Today in lieu of posting a play-by-play I shall discuss these issues below.

Interior Snow - Ice one expects. Old stone structures are famous for moisture collection. Centuries of dampness + very cold temperatures = ice. Snow, however, I'm not certain I can get behind. Where does the snow come from? The Ruined Temple's roof is largely intact and holes in the walls are at a minimum. Nonetheless, its entry, side corridors, and living quarters are all but buried under piles of snow. More puzzling is the fact that the temple's Main Hall is all but devoid of the substance. It is here, the Main Hall, that there are trees and roots growing through the walls, leaving gaping hole to the outside world in their wake. Why are these rooms not covered in snow while the entry hall (which is preceded by a snow/mud room or sorts) and its adjoining hallways are buried in it?

Random Beasts & Missing Loot - Why does the bronto you fight in the lower levels not drop any loot? There is a bear in the Brecilian that does the same thing, only that one is "protecting" a corpse with loot so I figure it's a trade off. Elsewhere in the game slain brontos and other large animals generally drop loot of some sort, yet this one is the exception. He is not protecting anything of rare value nor is he accompanied by individuals who drop significant loot. If there is no real reward for killing the bronto then why have him there at all? Even more to the point, how the heck did the cultists maneuver this bulky, aggressive animal through the temple's small hallways and keep it from ruining their other possessions? They have no special cave for it, no special room designated for it, and no special containment plan in place for it. What the heck is this beast doing there? Why does it live with them? Is it their twisted version of a pet? It just seems so out of place. I'm so confused.

Refusal to Bury - Why is it that the cultists never, ever, bury the intruders they kill. "Weylon" left the corpse of his name sake to rot in the back of Genitivi's house. I'm pretty sure the thing was covered in cobwebs, and the body had been there so long that it was virtually unidentifiable. Can you image the smell? One quest you can accept at the Gnawed Noble leads to our hero dumping body bags down the Chantry well. If the underworld can dispose bodies there without anyone noticing them why can't the cultists? How on earth did "Weylon" explain away the horrid smell of putrid flesh when the rest of Genitivi's house was all but spotless? Plus, of all the cultists we meet along the way to find the Urn, "Weylon" is the only one who actually attempts to hide the fact that he's a murdering bastard. Are you telling me that he can find a way to morph his body into that of another human being, but can' take the time to throw away the evidence of his kill?

When it comes to the Village of Haven everyone appears more than a little off. As a result the shopkeeper's strange actions are really not all that strange - nor is the fact that a Redcliffe knight is rotting away in his backroom. Since the village scares away their few visitors and collectively kills everyone else, this random dead body isn't much of a shocker. I mean it's not like the shopkeep will be censured for his actions or has anything to hide. Even so, the corpse is left just chilling out by a table intended for eating. Was there no other place to put it? With no evidence of ice or snow in the village one can expect that the soil isn't frozen. Why doesn't he bury it? I mean seriously. Do their cultists texts contain an edict prohibiting the sanitary disposal of enemies? Why on Earth would you leave a dead body to rot in the back room of your business where the stench will turn away customers and make you gag on a daily basis?

Of all the non-burials discovered during this quest line, the Fallen Knight (seen above) makes the most sense. It is lying in a cold, frigid environment where rotting is kept to a minimum. Moreover, the mountaintop's ground is clearly too cold to allow an easy burial. From that point of view sequestering your slain enemies in an unoccupied room within the Ruined Temple makes a lot of sense. On the other hand, it's kind of creepy.

Senseless Archival Methods - I have no clue what these cultist are keeping in their archives, but if the Ancient Encrypted Scrolls of forgotten verses and multiple Scrolls of Banastor are any indication then these shelves house some very old, irreplaceable documentation. Why then do the cultists allocate some of the most snowy/icy rooms for archival space? Even more to the point, why on Earth do they leave piles of books and documents lying on the ground. According to Denerim's Sister Justine the Ancient Encrypted Scrolls are beyond priceless. Granted she is overly passionate about her work but the point still remains. If that is true then how can the cultists store the scroll with other water sodden texts directly atop a mound of snow. I can't even begin to imagine that amount of moisture in the temple's library and work spaces. These senseless storage methods bug me every time. At the Circle of Magi, piles of books and priceless texts was understandable since the tower was a battle zone. Here, however, the temple is only a battle zone when intruders cross the threshold - a rare occurrence at best. Furthermore the entire Main Hall is all but devoid of snow and ice. Why did they not establish their archives there?

Cultist Life - Perhaps the most perplexing aspect of the Ruined Temple is the cultists themselves. Who are these people that so willingly live atop the mountain, in a snow laden ruin, amongst sodden literature, and very few beds. According to a little boy in the Village of Haven older boys and men reside up the mountain. Given that the temple is a religious center it is understandable that a portion of Haven's population would reside there in order to meet certain demands (demands = things Perra has yet to discover in the adjoining caverns). However, these "demands" are in no way strenuous enough to require all of Haven's men to live in a freezing cold, crumbling stone fortress. If generation after generation of cultists have lived here then why has no effort been made to spruce things up a bit? There are no creature comforts except fo the occasional small fire. All Haven did was transport a few beds and chests up the mountain (approx 1 bed/10-20 cultists). Essentially these men are simply lounging around waiting for an occasional visitor to cross into their territory so they can slaughter the out-of-towner. These guys are insane.

Coming Next - The caverns and the gauntlet. Let's get those ashes to Arl Eamon posthaste.

Perra is carrying the Dimension Seven 2H ax and Alistair is carrying Dragonkiller 1H sword from Rah2005's Some New Items mod.